Poison Diaries

2009-05-20T18:29:00.000-07:00

Sorry
I’m sorry for the years I forgot your birthday
The days I avoided your voice and existence
I didn’t want you to remind me of that horrible day of my life,

I’m sorry for not being there to hold you,
The day I saw the tears on his eyes for the first time in my life,

The day I got the chance to smell a hospital,
The days I spent wishing I didn’t get in to that car,

Sorry for looking away every time you come towards me,
I feel your neglect and sorrow,

You’re strong, and I know you fought it,
Because without a person like you in my life,
I wouldn’t live without such passion and admiration for survival

You brought me to a place I’ve never seen,
I feel your pain, because I’ve lived alongside you through it

You give love but never given love,
You know when you’re being sympathized towards
Yet you know when your being ignored or neglected

I’m sorry for not being there, I’m sorry for not being me...

2008-07-01T13:02:00.000-07:00

Thought you changed?

It was the best thing you ever did to me, and the only time that you quit - and it was for the better...

I haven't heard this tone in your voice since i was a kid, i see the darker of you, the demon that emerged back again, it sent shivers down my spine... when i got a flash and taste of what the rest were going through ..

I was in denial to heard your back at it again, I chose to put the past behind me, so did everyone else.. It saddens me to see what your doing to yourself, it makes me feel so big, and you seem so small to me now, that i can't look up to you anymore..

You've broken what you rebuilt over the years with one word.. that hurt me.

It's time for you to quit being selfish, not materialistically, but for your own self. For you to wake and see what a burden your going to be on us, and what your welcoming back to our lives...

It is my belief that to each person is a designated hidden demon within, but yours... its just waltzing back, and your dancing along with him... oblivious...

Deep down, i feel guilty for leaving my siblings in your hands, time is running so fast and it will be my time to leave town, I am worried... anxious and scared of what will be waiting for me when I come back..

Father - please don't disappoint me ..

2007-09-13T08:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Poisonous,

You might think I’m a complete nutcase now, but I’m in my own world right now sticking my middle finger to everyone who comes my way. That may harm me, and I know it very well but seriously? I don’t care anymore.

I’m happy, relaxed, and even smiling without forcing myself. I was there, I was a so called ‘friend’ I spent hours/days/years with you and enjoyed every minute of it.

You were my best friend, I took your advice when it suited me, and humored myself at the way you showed me you cared (if you really did, that’s questionable).

I’m sure there was a time that it was genuine, but I know you loved me once. You never liked expressing yourself, until you were provoked by something or someone or by me? haha, maybe that explains a lot of things.

I’ve shared many special moments with you; I just wanted you to know that I am happy I did. Our lives are different now, our paths may never cross, I’m mature enough to understand that your mindset and mine clash. I tried to be your friend, but I guess people don’t forgive and forget anymore, or maybe we forgive and never let the person forget.

I thank you for everything you’ve done for me I truly appreciate it. I will always be a friend to you, and here for you, but maybe just not right now and vice versa.

Best Regards,
Poison

2007-07-25T01:03:00.000-07:00

How can I EVEN start?

I know I’ve been away for a while, I had to get out from the shit that was piling up around me and leave the country. I swear, day by day I realize how fucked up this world is becoming, how people who pretended to be the people that helped you through hard times, are actually the ones hurting you!

Oh – another discovery, all men are gay, or pretend to be straight get married to cover the fact that they’re gay. WHAT THE FUCK? I mean …its either the dude is a manwhore or he’s a gay motherfucker. WHY…

I went to find myself, I zoned out, I meet the freaks of nature, chilled with people from all over the world. Yet, I didn’t find one decent straight guy? I am very pissed off, this is going to push us to be lesbians, the rates of population will decrease, it’s a good thing adoption is in fashion at the moment, a lot of orphans will have a roof on top of their heads! I can say that I have never in my life been hit on by so many girls than in the past three months! WHY…

No man has the decency to say, ‘hey listen, let’s just have a fling with no strings attached?’ NOOOOOOOOOOOO… they have to bullshit, lovey dovey shit and then mention it lightly!! DUDE NO GIRL WANTS A FLING! … NONE

Anyways I’m just letting out my frustrations because this is what is happening in front of me, and if no one else lets it out , I’m doing it on someone else’s behalf…………. JUST TO LET YOU KNOW…

I’m gonna travel again – be back in a month, and I will reveal to you my findings the next time round…

2007-06-13T00:48:00.000-07:00

I have been very dramatic the past couple of posts, I have to admit, there’s more to life than worrying about what people are gonna say about me, or how they feel cuz seriously I just saw the bright light at the end of the tunnel! (ewanneh)

Anyhow – I have to admit, I have weird facts and strange experiences and I think its about time I share some:

1. My boss thinks she can have a threesome with me and her husband, and both are very okay and open with it.

2. I have a lesbian friend and I know she’s a lesbian and I’m enjoying teasing her… hey who knows maybe my inner self will come out of the closet someday!

3. I read magazines from back to front

4. I drive with my knees

5. I like eating hot sauce with cheesecake

6. I order a cream blended frappuccino just to eat the caramel on top and leave it

7. I love bats, snakes (one of my pets) and insects

8. When I’m stuck in traffic – Dubai traffic (3hrs and more) – I stare in to peoples cars and carry out mental conversations, and imagine what kind of life they are living and what weird sex habits they have … etc.

9. I’ve managed to be celibate for a while which is a huge accomplishment! I’ve passed the 40 days 40 nights limit (Applause!)

10. I have to put my left arm on my head so I can go to sleep

11. I’m jealous of my 7year old sister, actually u know what, I’m jealous of everyone.

12. I secretly put my sister in trouble to look like I’m the best of the best!

13. I sometimes fake orgasms just for the fun of it

14. I randomly stick my tongue out to ppl at traffic lights … (when bored only)

15. I only smoke from the side of my mouth

16. If I like a guy I become the biggest bimbo in front of him, it’s uncontrollable!

Well these are some of them and if more come up I’ll make sure I keep you guys posted!

2007-05-26T23:57:00.000-07:00

Dear all,

Welcome to the nonsense world of the shit superficial ignorant arab society, where people just lie around discuss other people’s business as if it were their own, slaughter their dignity, lower themselves to achieving whatever they need, and are filled with rage and jealousy upon the success of others.

I just wanted to let out something, people only look at what the other is doing, and don’t foresee the things that go on in their own houses, and amongst their own family members… or maybe – they’re in denial.

I’ve seen a lot of people come up to me and judge me for my life, and the ups and downs I go through, let me call these days the days where I’m so ‘numb’ that I can’t see or feel anyone around me. I know what I do, and people make mistakes, it’s not like I’m perfect.

Maybe people don’t know what happens behind the walls of my house? Maybe people don’t know that someone very dear to me passed away recently, maybe they don’t know that I’m being forced to marry someone I have no feelings for! ..Ah yes, I forgot, they only know one thing is talk about me, and provide this shit society with the latest issue of ‘Poison Claire’

So in conclusion, enjoy the latest edition of Poison Claire, maybe next month you’ll have more shitty roumors to spread about me, and maybe I’ll make it to the US and international media, newswires, internet, and I’m sure I’ll help with that…

Best Head Banging song for the ride in the car! :P

2007-05-11T04:36:00.001-07:00

Ash - You Can't Have It All

2007-05-04T14:07:00.000-07:00

Do they know?

Do people really know that I keep you close to me just to know what your next actions are?

Ha ha ha!!!! .. .

I have to admit, I do deserve a fucking academy award for pretending to be the person that I am to you, you guys must think I’m the most naive person on earth when I’m not I just pretend to be..

I like knowing what you do, where you’re going and what your planning to do so I can work around it, and most probably benefit myself!

I hate smiling, I really hate laughing at your jokes, and I hate having to force myself to agree with you with many things, but it is just my tactic to survive.

I NEED to know what your future plans are… I know I sound selfish, but how am I supposed to survive?

Come on .. I believe that keeping my friends close is fine, I don’t need to worry about them they’re kinda dumb u know… as for you – it’s a whole different story, your so damn sly that I need to be there for you all the time so I can make sure I’m not on your bad side even though we’ve been through rough times, it would be great to know what’s going on that small little head of yours!

I can’t stop laughing … I’m sorry I know I’m evil – selfish and down straight cruel.. but I had to come out one day and say it…I’m actually starting to like you.. and maybe even want to not hate you …actually its not hate anymore… its just more a sense of securing my surroundings!

Sigh! Just a small note to all my fellow bloggers…

Keep your friends close, yet your enemies closer….

2007-04-28T05:18:00.001-07:00

Double Standard 1. a rule or principle applied more strictly to some people than to others (or to oneself).

Being a part of this superficial – self absorbed – community I have to say that in my opinion we are definitely living a life of double standards. Leave aside the fact that guys here lock up their sisters yet go party with other peoples’ daughters of the same 'class' and probably fuck them too.

Leave aside the fact that the guys here drink/smoke/fuck/ other nationalities but when they see another of their own nationality doing the same it’s so ‘taboo’?

I know that in our religion these things are banned from both sides – women and men, and I’m not going against my religion I’m just stating the present and obvious. Do they think that we will just side aside watch the men grow with their careersand lives while- women and referring to women I mean national women - will be just slaves at home and at work? Come on. .

Men here don’t want us because they think that we’re too demanding, they think that if we were true to one of them that we must have been around. What if I’m not with you for your money? What if I’m not with you for who your father is – trust me it won’t benefit me at all, it will just be a bigger burden to me if I married you for your father ‘bcoz’ I’m marrying YOU.

OUR men also think that they will live in infinite debt if they were to marry women of their nationality, the weddings and prices they have to pay after marriage is so much that makes them back off and end up marrying foreigners – or ditz khaleeji’s that are also superficial.

Oh and another thing, maybe they’ll get married just to please their parents, and turn out to be gay motherfuckers who have parties and boyfriends on the side. The poor girl is probably given all the money in the world just to be shut up. Marriage today has become an official business deal, or let’s say a bartered deal when both sides benefit.

I wouldn’t want to say that I’m the perfect person, I do have flaws too, and I love criticism because it helps grow to the better and maybe notice things that I am not aware of…

It just kills me to see good guys/girls with great potential just throwing their lives away whether it was through career, deciding to sit at home and do nothing with their lives worrying about what people would say about her is she got out in the workforce, or it was a guy who was disturbed about marrying the girl he loves because she’s been his girlfriend for the past 5 years/ ends up marrying a girl he barely knows…

Hello people …?

Seriously , what has become of this society is just plain – -------- SAD

Song of 2007 - Ciara Like a boy

2007-04-20T15:59:00.001-07:00

Best female empoerment, best choreography, best words! :) I give this a 10/10!

2007-04-15T12:25:00.000-07:00

Hold me,Thrill me ,Kiss me,Kill me…..

PAIN: the definition of this word may be contradicted in many different ways depending on the various ways a person has experienced it.

The first time I felt pain, was actually slamming my face on the wall of a staircase in high school. I was walking confidently down the stairs when I lost balance… and BOOM..
I felt this sudden rush of pain from my nose right to the centre of my brain, tears were running down my eyes …

I didn’t know where I was, I had no idea who was looking at, the voices around me didn’t make sense at all… … I just wanted to feel normal again..

I wanted the feeling to go away as soon as possible. The pain was so bad I felt my soul run out of my body and slap me in the face … swearing at me … telling me how clumsy can I be?????????????

My tiny nose felt like it grew 10times the size it was …I opened my eyes, trying to recognize my surroundings…… it was Grey, Smelled like pencils, and dust, oh yes,… I was still in school… two boys behind me … tried to carry me down the stairs… and down to the nurse’s room…………… Still… I felt pain, but now the pain of embarrassment infront of the biggest crush of my life! ………..

This pain is temporary, it is the only type that can be rid by some sort of medical prescription. Another horrid type is the type that you can’t control… The rush you feel in you heart, the pain in your chest when you see someone you don’t want to see… someone who’s hurt you so bad, someone who you longed for… and want so bad… BOTH are painful…

This sort of pain is uncontrollable…. The rush is uncontrollable,,, your face reaction is indescribable and obviously reflects how you feel towards the person …whether it was hate or love…. It still was PAIN. It’s F%cked up…. That’s what it is….

Nothing… you can’t concentrate on whatever the person next to you is saying… your body starts to sweat, you just wanted your heart to stop beating so hard, to avoid the person next to you to hear it… you get nauseous, and you just wanna disappear…literally… be sucked in to a hole in the ground and never to be seen again.

Overcoming this sort of pain is by trying to concentrate on something so random and irrelevant to what is actually going on around you… maybe the fly on the table, the napkin in the rubbish bin, the person sipping the cup of coffee without a care in the world….something like that… otherwise…the other person…the one you really don’t wanna see or show how you feel – will notice.

The other type of pain is betrayal,being hurt, being cut off…u get all the feelings mentioned above, but one thing is its not temporary, its almost embedded in to you.. the missing feeling is being NUMB….

I feel so numb,with no energy, no food… my best friend was my cigarette and my Sonia Rykel lighter…that’s it… that’s what I ate, drank, and breathed! I actually enjoyed that feeling, I loved the low…. I loved the fact that it was permanent… I still feel it today.. its like a rush…and a stab in my gut… it’s wat drives me today… the numbness… the coldness, I don’t feel any remorse to anyone around me….

Maybe I will not feel ‘normal’ again, but what is normal today anyways? The types of pain I mentioned, are the types of pain that you all must feel maybe once in your lives, but I feel everyday…..and maybe that is what has developed in to being a normal state of mind for me today….

2007-04-08T10:43:00.000-07:00

One of the dearest and special people of my life is my father. He may not be perfect, and who is? Only God is. I love you father, and I am as strong as you are. Maybe I don’t know much about your past, I have been very ignorant about discovering my roots which I know go quite deep. You were a stranger to me, I used to watch mom cry, feeling alone, knowing that the person she loves is out there neglecting her.

Being in this world, and developing in to a woman, I feel her pain. I understand what she is going through; I can see the regret in your eyes now. Your actions all express regret, the time you spend with me now, the gestures you make now, and show how much you regret the time you spent away from me.

I remember when I used to cry knowing you would be traveling away to some business trip, carrying that silver suitcase, knowing you won’t be back to play with me for a long time. Or going in to your car after a short weekend with you, telling me you’d be back next weekend, knowing another five days and you’ll be back again.

You made mistakes; one of the biggest was not telling me I had brothers and sisters. I can still remember the screaming and fights you had with mom after I came home from school. I would just hide in my room waiting for it to stop, until mom disappeared when I came home once.

You explained that we needed to go. You did not tell me why, but I knew whyI did not cry, instead I was strong for a 12 year old, I am amazed at myself. My sisters and brother came crying to me, blaming me for this move, asking me why I agreed, I had no comment and told them to listen to you. Confident that you would make the right decision – this time.

I believed in you, and I still do. I don’t blame you for what happened. I thank you for what happened I got to know my brothers and sisters, and it was never too late to know them. I did miss mom, for a long time, but you resolved your issues, and things were difficult at first, but thankfully they worked out to the better.

I know marriage is not perfect and it is not my place to advise you on this, I know mom, and she loves you very much. I wish I would be able to love my husband as much as she does now. It’s been 25 years since you both got married I admire you both, although the love has died out, but you still remain friends which is difficult now a days to maintain.

I am a descendant of you, and I hope to prove to you that I am your daughter, carrying your strength, confidence, pride and loyalty. I hope I can have the patience you had to bring us up, maintain a great living, and keep smiles on our faces.

I know I have disappointed you as well in many more ways that I can ever imagine; I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry. You taught me the right from wrong, but I still did the wrong, and I will do the right and prove you wrong this time. I was young and this is part of my upbringing.

I also remember the times I would be angry at someone in the same room as we were in, I’d stuff my face between your back , just like an ostrich dips its head in to a hole in the ground. The comfort I felt being protected by you, i knew there was no harm to come my way.

I hope you are proud of me today, and in the future days to come. I hope when you hear my name a smile comes up to your face just as I do when I hear yours. I am proud of being your daughter, and will always be working up to your level and possibly higher if I can.

I am my fathers daughter…

maroon 5 - makes me wonder

2007-04-04T12:29:00.001-07:00

Amazing new track, TOTALY relate to it... listen to the words carefullyy..... Shake it! :P

2007-03-31T04:17:00.000-07:00

A Genesis of Poison …

Today, I am older, I’ve made resolutions that maybe I didn’t completely stick up to, but achieved a few milestones on the way.

My birthday is a day I was brought in to this world, and its important that your surrounded by people that mean a lot to you, and I’m glad it went through that way. I don’t celebrate New Year, I believe that the day you’re born is when you set a new year to yourself.

There might have been some disappointments throughout this year, but you can’t hold a grudge on anyone, that means your giving them your time and energy of actually holding it!

Being older has defined who I am, I know exactly what I want now, and maybe I might know more things I would want in the future, but I’m happy with myself at the moment. I have managed to hold on to a lot of things, and let go of a lot of things…

Some people think I don’t stick to my word, but I do, mentally. (sigh)

I might have ‘quit’ smoking & drinking, but does quitting mean that I completely stop? Well in my world, it means to limit your self and use this luxury at a time that it is required. Hence, you drink when the mood is right, smoke when the mood is right, and NEVER excessively.

I will also quit many more bad habits and urges, but their for me to know and non for you to find out (if ya know what I mean he he ) …

Anyways, I have reborn in to a newer older wiser poison, and hopefully a better one than before…

2007-03-26T12:35:00.000-07:00

When i'm gone....

Well life is a path isn't it? I guess i'm walkin' on this path for a while now aimlessly, but i sure as hell am leaving some footprints behind. I just want the people i come across in my life that:

When i'm gone, i still think about the first impression of your face when i first saw you...

When i walk away from you, i might not remember your name.. but i'm sure you'll remember mine..

When i'm gone, i make sure i leave a good impression and a smile on your face..

When i'm gone, i need you to be fine even if i'm not ..

When i'm gone, i still feel your presence behind me, and yes i will turn around and look back..

When i'm gone, my absence 'will' make your heart grow fonder..

When i'm gone, i may not come back... but i would have walked on your path....

2007-03-23T16:50:00.001-07:00

Double Lives

In this community we are obligated to lead double lives to please many. As for me, I lead them to survive… Here are the many faces of poison:

Serious:
The serious one, hmmm… hungry for success, strives to maintain leadership within the work force, always wanting to be at the top and to prove that ‘women’ are leaders, and able to handle responsibility. People, who know me as this person, are people who work with me, people who know me in a formal atmosphere.

Easygoing:
Laidback, always taking things slowly, digesting what information I get and reacting in a format that will benefit me and the other party. (Mostly with casual friends)

InLove:
Over sensitive, impatient, always wanting to please the other party, weak when it comes to fights, loyal and respectful (at times) ;)

Pary-animal:
Crazy, always ready at the spur of the moment to go wild with friends I’m comfortable with, laid-back, also sensitive if I was hurt by a friend, always like a good laugh, messin around with limits..

I guess these are the sides of me, and maybe there are more that can’t identify at the moment but I know they exist.

2007-03-19T12:03:00.000-07:00

YOU THINK?

You think I’m naïve – but I’m not, I just act it
You think I’m selfish – but I care
You think I’m ignorant – but I observe
You think I love you – but I don’t
You think I’m smiling – but I’m laughing at you
You think I’m alone – but I'm safe
You think I’m superficial – but I’m not
You think I’m innocent – but I’m definitely not
You think I’m too ambitious – but I’m successful?
You think I’m rude – but that’s the nicest I can be
You think I’m too optimistic – but that’s how I live my life..
You think I’m weak – but I’m just pretending
You think I need you – I just don’t..

2007-03-16T15:15:00.000-07:00

Dear diary,

Its been a while i know, and i've been thinking a lot.. and doing a lot. Been partying a lot - then just stopped and realized, i'm turning 22 in 13 days.

I need to bring a halt to my dramatic behaviour and i need to think about how my life is going to be heading towards either - DISASTER/SUCCESS.

From my recent blogs, and actions in life, i feel that i've been enjoying myself way too much, and thinking bout how to satisfy my temporary needs and not long term. Now how will i solve this? I'll tell you...

1st - concentrate on my family - spend more time with them rather than party with friends all the time...

2nd - let go of bad habits gradually and try to avoid as many situations as possible that would tempt you in getting back to them...

3rd - Don't be judgemental, sometimes you might create an image in your mind about a certain person due to the facts that people inject in your mind, and not from what they really are.

4th - organize your time... Career wise.

5th - You can't create a love life, it just happens. I trully beleive in faith completely, and whatever is meant to happen WILL happen whether you like it or not, so basically keep going on your track, and ya its gonna slap you in the face.

In conclusion, i beleive that i should just enjoy my life, whilst have fun to the limits from now on... and maybe sharing this with you would help others too. (i know its not such a drastic thing, but its better than nothing) - C ya ...

2007-02-22T12:45:00.000-08:00

My favourite things! (Tagged by Blue Ice Envy)

1. Putting others in trouble, (only when they truly deserve it)

2. Getting wasted and then making out immediately...

3. The first puff of a cigarette.... (actually the first puff of ne thing :P)

4. A big hug from someone u loveee.....

5. Sleeeeeeeeeping...

6. Red bull (best thing is drinking it after a heavy lunch..)

7. DAY dreaming of my future .... (career, life etc.)

8. YOU - being with me

9. Watching you asleep...

10. Swearing at ppl and making their lives miserable on the highway of dubai :P

11. Getting so wasted, that i dont give a f*ck ne more about my surroundings, and actually enjoying the moment!

12. Gwen Stefani

13. Harrasing losers on the streets and making laughing stocks out of them with ma bitches

Aah... i could go on forever... and now ... i tag : inevitably Do0omed, WastEd ChiX!

2007-02-01T04:29:00.000-08:00

ThE KiSS

It's amazing ....
Butterflies in your stomache...
The Zone you Get In To.....
*Quiet*

you can't hear anything around you!!
The warm lips ...
Soft - Tender ...
You close your eyes ....

nothing matters ...
everything goes away ..
all the bad demons around u are demolished...

You wonder wat he's thinking in his head ...
You wanna know ..
You open your eyes just a bit to see ..
Does he feel it?
Is it as amazing as it is to me?

The first kiss...
It's all about the first kiss..
The key to a bond that lasts forever...
Or the lock to to confirm the end of your destiny with this soul that you once touched with your lips ...

My first kiss... i will always miss u ...
I will wait for you to happen again, maybe with you, or with someone else...

2007-01-21T04:45:00.000-08:00

My lesson in life up to today:

Sometimes, you can’t control what happens around you.

You tend to blame others for their actions but it actually was you who directed fate, with your own actions and reactions to issues in your life.

You hate the way people act around you when you’re the one allowing them to go ahead and betray, contradict, and deceive, and control you!

Why is it that sometimes you turn a blind eye to certain matters, like longing for things to be the way they used to be, whether it was a friendship that was amazing and faded away due to lack of trust, or a relationship that crumbled away, or even your childhood and innocent days, when not a thing in the world mattered except your happiness?
Are you scared of facing reality?

Are you scared of facing the fact that, yes, you are wrong sometimes…?
YES you made mistakes, and yes, you did this to yourself, you chose the fucking path…

You can’t change peoples decisions, even if you know its wrong, they’ll just think your pessimistic, bitter, and jealous.. sadly this is our community today.

Today, friends and family are walking away, taking their own paths in life, they will lie and they will tell you the truth when it is needed, it definitely is not your choice to control their actions, its only fate, destiny’s decision…

Therefore… this is my bitter and sweet realizations to this day… More to come later…

2007-01-13T23:33:00.000-08:00

First of all must go
Your scent upon my pillow
And then I'll say goodbye to your whispers in my dreams.
And then our lips will part
In my mind and in my heart,
Cos your kiss Went deeper than my skin.

Piece by piece is how I'll let go of you
Kiss by kiss
Will leave my mind one at a time
One at a time
First of all must fly,
My dreams of you and I,

There's no point of holding on to those
And then our ties will break,
For your and my own sake,
Just remember,
This is what you chose

Piece by piece
Is how I'll let go of you
Kiss by kiss, will leave my mind one at a time
One at a time I'll shed like skin,

Our memories of lazy days,
And fade away the shadow of your face
Piece by piece Is how I'll let go of you
Kiss by kiss,
Will leave my mind one at a time

One at a time
One at a time
One at a time..............

2007-01-12T23:52:00.000-08:00

Gwen Stefani - The Sweet Escape ~Feat Akon~

Well, this song is totallllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy .. relevant to the post in the bottom!!

*skips around* now which one will i chooseeeeeeeeeee...? Then ditch...?

2007-01-07T11:16:00.000-08:00

Good day!

today on my way home, from the amazing za7ma that dubai has compiled over the past 10 years (or more) i was listening to this song - (posted below) ...........

Totally related to it... totally got into the song --- (felt like a loser with all the indians and weirdoz' staring in to my car) suddenly it hit me that every freakin month i need to hear this song.

It will never leave me alone, no matter what i do... it comes back to me? This and another song that won't stop leaving me alone is No Doubt's song - Dont Speak... that's the ultimate...

I also heard (as you might notice i spend a lotta time in my car) confessions - Usher, and realized that i NEED to confess all my sins of 2006 to officially move on... and i will:

1. I ditched a lot of ppl that didn't deserve it without any proof... ( but i still have some doubts) and to fix it ... i made up and stayed formal with them... sorry cuz cuz ... i had to.. I STILL FEEL IM RIGHT

2. I was extremely selfish in my decisions whether it was my career, travelling, money, personal life, social life, everything.. it felt good for a while untill everyone else noticed.. (ouch)

3. I strung along a lot of good guys that didn't deserve it (maybe) .. sorry C.R.E.A.M , i know you were serious about me there was something fishy about your disappearing acts, sorry K.Z. i know u loved me from day 4 (that was really freaky) , and sorry A. i almost died trying to sit an hour with you...

4. I acted without thinking in a lot of matters, shouldn't have played the disappearing act on YOU, and made my mafia also boycott your clique, especially when it is a matter that meant the most to me, excluding YOU out of my life was the biggest mistake, and now i realized just being around you was enough... well maybe not enough, but enough for now....

hmmmmmmmm... can't think of anymore confessions..

Will update you as soon as i remember....

2007-01-07T11:13:00.000-08:00

Breakdown - Mariah Carey

Officially - ThIS Is my Mo0oD
One of my favourite songs of all times - exactly exactly what i feel and think...

2007-01-05T02:01:00.000-08:00

No Doubt - Exgirlfriend

2007-01-05T01:42:00.000-08:00

aaaaaaaaaaaakh ...
(Trying to open up my eyes - yes, still hung over)

I welcome this year with open arms , and wide claws to make sure i filter out whatever is not needed! As 2007 comes rolling in i'm sure you all must have partied your lives out?
Well i SURE DID....

Anyhow people do say i'm selfish, i guess that's one resolution down the drain.... The only one i maintained since the year has begun is probably 'Experimenting' .... as much as i can.

I went to bahrain for New years celebrations and eid too... (something that was over taken by the whole new year concept) .. The Bob Sinclair party kinda sucked ... other than that ...new years eve was definitely EVIL ....

Over Drank

Over Partied

Over Smoked

Over - fucked around (I must admit bahrain is definitely a sausage festival 3ala goo0lat So0so0)

Again i'm sure this post must have made no sense to you all, but i'm still in the festive - vacation mode just waiting for the work-mode to hit me ... which wont be for a few more days! *cringe*

A qoute that i will never let go of:

"I'm about to give you away .... for someone else to take ..."

2006-12-26T03:12:00.000-08:00

New Years Resolutions ....

As this year comes to an end, i have begun to realize that i did achieve a lot throughout the year, although i didn't expect i would!

And ofcourse my resolutions of the previous year were not implemented AT ALL! Things i claimed i would do better this year -

1. Be a KINDER person to my family Ex. stop beating up my small sister, picking fights for ultimately no reason at all! stealing cash from my sister claiming she owed me money when she didn't! e7m e7m...

2. Quit Smoking - Ya RIGHT? I just love it... i can't caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan't.... yummy.

3. Stop being selfish - dammnit i just love myself too much, possibly the core reason as to why i'm single to this day?!!?!? 0_0

4. Lose weight? -----------------------------------.............. no comment......... although i did have training classes with a personal trainer .. TWICE?

5. EXPERIMENT: i DEFINITELY DEFINITELY did? Nyahahahaha ..... i tried lying more, i tried travelling more, smoking up, tasting food i would never eat, speaking to ppl i would never speak to, and confronting my fears....

6. Be Humanitarian & Give More : Well i did give -- and Gave a lot!! But it seems that it's just a one sided thing, actually the only resolution i must have achieved is this one.

So ? Overall - i sucked this year, i possibly became a worse person than ever before, a bit more selfish, simply arrogant, lazy & blobby, very obnoxious b&tcH

'with a heart for the vulnerable & needy' :)

i'll tell you whats my next years resolution:

NOTHING AT ALL - BE A TOTAL SELFISH BYATCH!

* I wish you all a Eid Mubarak & a HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR! *

2006-12-10T01:52:00.000-08:00

Its been a while i know ... But so much has happened, and to my fellow bloggers, i come to you with a bit of warning points that you can implement in your daily lives, or you can use them as an eye opener for those who are oblivious to their surroundings at times......

Do's and Don'ts!!!

DO

1. Tell your friend she's a backstabber, if she was caught lying, or even if you sense a hint of lies on her

2. Let the guy you have a crush on know how you feel - indirectly - otherwise, the dork will NEVER sense it! (but dont be too defsha about it too!)

3. Let out your anger by sticking your finger out of the car every once in while, especially to ppl who have nothing to do with it. ( beware of traffic jams , cuz you can't get away from them that easily!! 4 dubai ppl only! )

4. Make out with the wrong guy - and imagine its someone totally different!! (feels good trust me)

5. Eat junk - whenever and wherever you feel like it! (trust me, you will not end up looking like paris - even if u didnt eat it!) Johhny Rockets - Recommended.

6. Make as many many many many many many friends as you can - then you can just filter out who feel like hanging out with - depending on your mood ofcourse 7abebty... ;)

DON'T

1. Deprive yourself from cravings - whether it was partying - alcohol, sex, drugs ... people from the same sex... umm you know whatever ' WRONG' in this society.

2. Dont let anyone know about your cravings - do them silently yet make the most out of it.

3. Mix - alcohol with an ugly person... (no offense)

4. Confuse a girl for a guy - and end up making out with the same person twice while playing pass the ice!

5. Tell a guy you love him... - and his friend too!

6. Let anyone control you! if you feel something or wanna do something do it , without consulting more than two people - otherwise you're obsessive compulsive.

Well this is enough for now ........... Missed u guys!

2006-10-27T03:29:00.000-07:00

Amazingly... this vacation flew by like the speed of light.

Man - it was AMAZING.

Being on an island like this ... was a dream come true... removing some side stuff... i had the time of my life - hope you guys had a good eid break i know i did ... ;)

Lessons learnt:
1. Learn to balance partying too much with enjoyment.
2. Help ease the suffering of others... (it was a 3rd world country)
3. Sleep as much as you can...
4. Laze around as much as u can
5. Get to La la land as much as u can...
6. No mobile phones allowed.

Activities done:
1. Elephant Trecking
2. Fought insects
3. Kayaking
4. Jet skiing
5. Eating peculiar looking food
6. Interacting with Transexuals (cat fight)
7. Attacked by monkeys & cats
8. Sat on a budhaa

Kup Kam Kaa
(Thank You)

2006-10-13T05:05:00.000-07:00

Hello hello hello! It is officially "Freaky Friday 13.10.2006"

Long time no see. Well i guess this month has been taking up most of our time either by sleeping - eating - chillin' on those ramadhan tents .etc. Making you feel like you wanna be a better person, remembering those innocent days ... when we didn't even fast, and would just play around in the freej - thinking of all the bad & good things you have done in your life, whether it was by giving out a simple white lie to keep a smile on someone's face, or by simply trying to cover your ass.... and how you can make the wrong - ummm.. better .....

I was confronted a few days ago about what was the worst thing i've done and regret the most , it was in a casual conversation formatt, but it was asked by a person i have lied to so many times, cheated on many times.. - thinking to myself... well all the wrong things i could've done i've done to you .. but you poor thing have no idea. -

I just smiled and said " i can't remember actually -- but what was the thing you regret doing the most? " *smirk* Although i dont regret anything i've done - because s/he did more harm - and what reffereing to the phrase i love the most " What you dont know won't hurt you ..."

So tell me my fellow mates ..... What was the worst thing you've done? or regret the most?

Poison

2006-10-04T12:25:00.000-07:00

ME -

Today all i'm gonna talk about is myself.

Seriously? People always keep wondering about how others percieve them, do you ever wonder how you really feel about yourself?

Whether YOU are happy or not?
Whether YOU are satisfied with your life?
Whether YOU enjoyed your time on a date?
Whether YOU really belong with your friends?
Whether YOU truly need to be in this job?
Whether YOU love him?

Well its about time i thought about myself - rather than pleasing others. I have always felt like i should always comfort people around me, they should like the place we're going to eat in, they should enjoy the movie - when the movie is over, WHY? and for what?

YOU also need to do that, don't think of how your friends will feel when you get a new haircut, or your BF! YOU LIKE IT - YOU KEEP IT.

S
I
M
P
L
E isn't it?

2006-09-30T06:08:00.000-07:00

Hope you are all having a wonderfull worshipfull ramadhan. (As i can see from your previous posts, you guys seem to be enjoying it way too much than how i am! :P)

Although in Dubai - alcohol , partying is still going on - since the majority of our country is filled with expats!

So i just finished watching all the Godfather movies, yeah?

And i conclude that the only love i will ever have in my life will be the love that Micheal Corleone gave to his gorgeous daughter Mary & his previous italian wife in his first marriage. *sniff*

SOMEONE - Please tell me ...

WHERE ARE THE REAL MEN HERE?

A guy that will just be upfront, serious, a real MAN.

Still searching ...... ( too hungry to continue - will post soon.)

2006-09-26T13:40:00.000-07:00

Today.

I'm not gonna talk about how stupid guys are, i'll switch to the opposite sex this time. WOMEN.

WOMEN of the GCC.

This is what you hear when you sit with a bunch of lochals:

1. " OMG - you lost so much weight!! " = bullshit , you look like hell, and a fat cow.

2. " Oo0ohh .... mashalla when are u getting married?" = does it look like i'm wearing a f^kin ring?????????????

3. " That's so amazing - the paris hilton bag - god its soo in. You dont have it? " = wtf? why WOULD i have it?

4. " My parents gave me a curfew. I have to be home by 10" = YEAH RIGHT its the 21st century baby!!!

5. " omg - You're going to a late movie? " = Say WHAT?

6. " I dont have a boyfriend. " = Sno0o0o0o0o0oz .............. No comment.

7. " Baby, this is my work phone. I only have one other number to talk to you from." = Ring Ring. Nyahahahah ...

8. " Baby i'm gonna go to my grandmothers house, i'll talk to you when i get home" = With other BF.

9. " Oh, i dont remember where i made this 3abaya, but thanks for the compliment" = LIE - You know where you bought the 3aba but u just dont wanna say it!

Listen - if your just gonna bullshit. Please spare me and just shut the hell up. That goes for you too .. GUYS.

I miss my dead fish- Poison.

I'll post his pic later.....

2006-09-24T10:24:00.000-07:00

Owkay –

So I’m JUST A GIRL.
Living in this country filled up with psychotic expats & indians taking over, we do feel like we’re becoming extinct! (UAE NATIONALS) that is. But it also feels like the normal men, are also becomming extinct!!!

But still – I decided to move on ya? I met ppl, but it turns out they’re more f*cked up than I am. One turned out to have some funky friendship with f@gs, another simply ditched me.

Is it me or what? What has happened to the sweet talk of you lovely guys? The amazing butterfly effect in your stomach before going on a first date? *dreaming too much again I guess* (I’m still JUST A GIRL).

I will be celebate again or possibly turn lez., cuz if your not givin’ some, their not gonna wait around!!

WAIT – Let me clarify my statement. This was the conversation I had with lochal I met recently:

Ass: halla walla … sh7alech?
Pzn: Fine. You?
Ass: Bkheir walla .. ana ilyoom 7ass inny bachoofech? – fee emarat mall.
Pzn: No. I don’t think so, I’m still in the office at the moment. (6PM)
Ass: isme3eee hal ‘3neya (song comes on, lochal remix of My Humps by Black Eyed Peas) waaayed 7elwa, MY haaa .. My haa … I’m gonna make u Drank !

Pzn: ------------------ no comment. (shock) Its not my HAAA .. its MY HUMPS (dumb ass)
Ass: owkay … ana banzel basseer a9ally il7eeneh.
Pzn: Bye (sigh)

NEVER HEARD FROM HIM AGAIN

What has become of you guys? SERIOUSLY?
I was in total shock. This is how low guys have become. Boring, empty, uneducated, unadventurous, untrustworthy… (and the list goes on)

I am calling for the extinct uae nationals who have no personalities, big egos, and empty heads, PLEASE - Spare us girls - who are JUST GIRLS - and leave us alone.

2006-09-24T05:46:00.000-07:00

Eight Months - Closure

Here we go again, as I walk in to another plane, going to my regular destination – London. Let me rephrase that again for you – Here we go again, walking in to another plane, running away to another Arab infested city – London. Bumping into people you don’t want to see, hypocrites that drove a best friend to run away from the society I’m living in at the moment. People walking past you smiling saying hello, but it is all just a show to see who is there now, and who couldn’t make it this summer. Hypocrites are what they are. Just like – You.

I needed to get out, and as usual this was my only outlet; relating to the time of year, and the time off I will be able to get this year. I was beginning to feel like I was stuck in a fishbowl, work – sleep – eat, and manage your pathetic love life. Yes, I am still in love with the – hmm, what should we start calling him? Since I’ve never admitted up till now that I’m still in love with him, I am now, and it has been approximately eight months since reality slapped me in the face.

Yes, I will never have him, and yes, there was nothing about him that was so special for him to be loved in the way I loved him! So please tell me God? Why oh why am I still feeling this? Here I go again questioning myself losing my self-confidence to a prick that didn’t have a caring bone in his body. But why do I still remember your smile, the smell of your skin, you presence, as if it were yesterday? (Although it has been more than eight months) Everything I step on, look at, remind me of you. Every country I set foot in reminds me of you, everything.. Flashback – this time last year, partying in mar Bella, drinking, sleeping, tanning, surrounded by the most glamorous, prestigious guys on earth. I totally forgot about you, I was fascinated with the freedom I had. Not what I am seeking to do this time, I was heartbroken then.

I am not saying I am perfect – I played a big part in this too. I must admit I did lie, I did break your word in front of her, but I did not expect how much effect she had on you, and that proved to me where I stood in your life. I did this with my own hand, I pushed her in to your life, and I got myself what I deserved.

You couldn’t see me as the ideal partner for your future, but I couldn’t understand what you saw in her? I was a child when you met me, and of course I had to make mistakes, I had to test the waters somehow; either by planting doubt in you, or being stubborn. Refraining from that I still saw you as what and who I wanted to be with for the rest of my life, which I couldn’t imagine anyone else being part of.

The others are there, awaiting me, ready to be a part of my happy side, I will always stick to the saying a ‘friend in need is a friend indeed’. I know its pretty lame for me to believe in this, but it is true, in my time of need, you weren’t there, you said you were my friend, but you never were there. You sucked the pleasure and life out of me, turned me in to a bitter, untrusting person in these eight months. I may never get over you, but I must thank you for making me the person I am today.

Once I am back from this trip I will be sure to let you know where you stand, I don’t have to say it or show it, only time will be friend now, and god is there to watch, and bring me happiness in my life. Oh, and I do wish you a happy life as well.

Right now – 5:30 PM– going to London Heathrow; sitting in my seat on board the plane, but I am not escaping you this time, I know I will see you happy, with someone who loves you but not for who you are, but for what you have and what you can do for her. I will bump in to you that is for sure, I will smile at you, I will hug you, and I will always love you.

I sit here crying in my seat quietly. Trying not to gasp loudly and attract the attention of others. Don’t think you’ve won the game already. I do envy all the people around me for their quiet and seemingly peaceful sleep. I wonder if they too have lost someone they gave so much to, I wonder if they are going through what I am going through.

I bet your happy with someone else, I bet you must be thinking of what your going to be doing next. I have met people who would make me happier than you did, treat me better than you did, love me better than you did, but never satisfy me as you did. Still don’t think you’ve won the game again.

You – creep up to me when I’m alone, like the cold air in a warm room in winter time. This is the last time I acknowledge that You exist. You will see me, You will think I’m fine, You will probably think I’m happy as well. I am happy, but still again, it is the eighth month, and it will be that last time I mention You again. Goodbye You, and I’ll see You in another lifetime, complete and happy.

2006-09-23T02:45:00.000-07:00

You - You keep on breakin' up and try to walk away ....

Well, let me tell you my story and warn you about the stereotypical guys around here. Yes - i have been hurt so bad by probably - i can't call him the guy of my dreams - otherwise he would still be with me.

To all the men from the GCC - girls aren't stupid anymore. I thought i loved you, but turns out ur just a selfish a$$. As HRH mentioned, you guys see us as objects, trust me so do we!

You said you loved me,
You wanted to marry me,
I was faithfull,

and a few months later you tell me you found the one? WTF?

Poison is on an oath to celebacy and become - what you call it - a Serial Dater.

2006-09-23T02:17:00.000-07:00

Seriously? Seriously?

Greys Anatomy

Well well well, i thought people who blogged were rather bored lifeless people, but comming in to this world, checking out the different blogs of wasted Chix, HRH..etc. i come to see it as rather amusing and self expressive!

I'm not as crazy - but i'd rather do everything - and do it discreetly. *wink*

My doors are open , and hopefully my posts give you a better insight on what a fucked up world we live in here too - not only the KSA - the DxB girls do suffer, and we very much live the same way as you girls do, but a bit more freedom.

Enjoy

Poison