Eight Months - Closure

Here we go again, as I walk in to another plane, going to my regular destination – London. Let me rephrase that again for you – Here we go again, walking in to another plane, running away to another Arab infested city – London. Bumping into people you don’t want to see, hypocrites that drove a best friend to run away from the society I’m living in at the moment. People walking past you smiling saying hello, but it is all just a show to see who is there now, and who couldn’t make it this summer. Hypocrites are what they are. Just like – You.

I needed to get out, and as usual this was my only outlet; relating to the time of year, and the time off I will be able to get this year. I was beginning to feel like I was stuck in a fishbowl, work – sleep – eat, and manage your pathetic love life. Yes, I am still in love with the – hmm, what should we start calling him? Since I’ve never admitted up till now that I’m still in love with him, I am now, and it has been approximately eight months since reality slapped me in the face.

Yes, I will never have him, and yes, there was nothing about him that was so special for him to be loved in the way I loved him! So please tell me God? Why oh why am I still feeling this? Here I go again questioning myself losing my self-confidence to a prick that didn’t have a caring bone in his body. But why do I still remember your smile, the smell of your skin, you presence, as if it were yesterday? (Although it has been more than eight months) Everything I step on, look at, remind me of you. Every country I set foot in reminds me of you, everything.. Flashback – this time last year, partying in mar Bella, drinking, sleeping, tanning, surrounded by the most glamorous, prestigious guys on earth. I totally forgot about you, I was fascinated with the freedom I had. Not what I am seeking to do this time, I was heartbroken then.

I am not saying I am perfect – I played a big part in this too. I must admit I did lie, I did break your word in front of her, but I did not expect how much effect she had on you, and that proved to me where I stood in your life. I did this with my own hand, I pushed her in to your life, and I got myself what I deserved.

You couldn’t see me as the ideal partner for your future, but I couldn’t understand what you saw in her? I was a child when you met me, and of course I had to make mistakes, I had to test the waters somehow; either by planting doubt in you, or being stubborn. Refraining from that I still saw you as what and who I wanted to be with for the rest of my life, which I couldn’t imagine anyone else being part of.

The others are there, awaiting me, ready to be a part of my happy side, I will always stick to the saying a ‘friend in need is a friend indeed’. I know its pretty lame for me to believe in this, but it is true, in my time of need, you weren’t there, you said you were my friend, but you never were there. You sucked the pleasure and life out of me, turned me in to a bitter, untrusting person in these eight months. I may never get over you, but I must thank you for making me the person I am today.

Once I am back from this trip I will be sure to let you know where you stand, I don’t have to say it or show it, only time will be friend now, and god is there to watch, and bring me happiness in my life. Oh, and I do wish you a happy life as well.


Right now – 5:30 PM– going to London Heathrow; sitting in my seat on board the plane, but I am not escaping you this time, I know I will see you happy, with someone who loves you but not for who you are, but for what you have and what you can do for her. I will bump in to you that is for sure, I will smile at you, I will hug you, and I will always love you.

I sit here crying in my seat quietly. Trying not to gasp loudly and attract the attention of others. Don’t think you’ve won the game already. I do envy all the people around me for their quiet and seemingly peaceful sleep. I wonder if they too have lost someone they gave so much to, I wonder if they are going through what I am going through.

I bet your happy with someone else, I bet you must be thinking of what your going to be doing next. I have met people who would make me happier than you did, treat me better than you did, love me better than you did, but never satisfy me as you did. Still don’t think you’ve won the game again.

You – creep up to me when I’m alone, like the cold air in a warm room in winter time. This is the last time I acknowledge that You exist. You will see me, You will think I’m fine, You will probably think I’m happy as well. I am happy, but still again, it is the eighth month, and it will be that last time I mention You again. Goodbye You, and I’ll see You in another lifetime, complete and happy.