Sorry
I’m sorry for the years I forgot your birthday
The days I avoided your voice and existence
I didn’t want you to remind me of that horrible day of my life,

I’m sorry for not being there to hold you,
The day I saw the tears on his eyes for the first time in my life,

The day I got the chance to smell a hospital,
The days I spent wishing I didn’t get in to that car,

Sorry for looking away every time you come towards me,
I feel your neglect and sorrow,

You’re strong, and I know you fought it,
Because without a person like you in my life,
I wouldn’t live without such passion and admiration for survival

You brought me to a place I’ve never seen,
I feel your pain, because I’ve lived alongside you through it

You give love but never given love,
You know when you’re being sympathized towards
Yet you know when your being ignored or neglected

I’m sorry for not being there, I’m sorry for not being me...

Thought you changed?

It was the best thing you ever did to me, and the only time that you quit - and it was for the better...

I haven't heard this tone in your voice since i was a kid, i see the darker of you, the demon that emerged back again, it sent shivers down my spine... when i got a flash and taste of what the rest were going through ..

I was in denial to heard your back at it again, I chose to put the past behind me, so did everyone else.. It saddens me to see what your doing to yourself, it makes me feel so big, and you seem so small to me now, that i can't look up to you anymore..

You've broken what you rebuilt over the years with one word.. that hurt me.

It's time for you to quit being selfish, not materialistically, but for your own self. For you to wake and see what a burden your going to be on us, and what your welcoming back to our lives...

It is my belief that to each person is a designated hidden demon within, but yours... its just waltzing back, and your dancing along with him... oblivious...

Deep down, i feel guilty for leaving my siblings in your hands, time is running so fast and it will be my time to leave town, I am worried... anxious and scared of what will be waiting for me when I come back.. 

Father - please don't disappoint me .. 

Dear Poisonous,

You might think I’m a complete nutcase now, but I’m in my own world right now sticking my middle finger to everyone who comes my way. That may harm me, and I know it very well but seriously? I don’t care anymore.

I’m happy, relaxed, and even smiling without forcing myself. I was there, I was a so called ‘friend’ I spent hours/days/years with you and enjoyed every minute of it.

You were my best friend, I took your advice when it suited me, and humored myself at the way you showed me you cared (if you really did, that’s questionable).

I’m sure there was a time that it was genuine, but I know you loved me once. You never liked expressing yourself, until you were provoked by something or someone or by me? haha, maybe that explains a lot of things.

I’ve shared many special moments with you; I just wanted you to know that I am happy I did. Our lives are different now, our paths may never cross, I’m mature enough to understand that your mindset and mine clash. I tried to be your friend, but I guess people don’t forgive and forget anymore, or maybe we forgive and never let the person forget.

I thank you for everything you’ve done for me I truly appreciate it. I will always be a friend to you, and here for you, but maybe just not right now and vice versa.

Best Regards,
Poison

How can I EVEN start?

I know I’ve been away for a while, I had to get out from the shit that was piling up around me and leave the country. I swear, day by day I realize how fucked up this world is becoming, how people who pretended to be the people that helped you through hard times, are actually the ones hurting you!

Oh – another discovery, all men are gay, or pretend to be straight get married to cover the fact that they’re gay. WHAT THE FUCK? I mean …its either the dude is a manwhore or he’s a gay motherfucker. WHY…

I went to find myself, I zoned out, I meet the freaks of nature, chilled with people from all over the world. Yet, I didn’t find one decent straight guy? I am very pissed off, this is going to push us to be lesbians, the rates of population will decrease, it’s a good thing adoption is in fashion at the moment, a lot of orphans will have a roof on top of their heads! I can say that I have never in my life been hit on by so many girls than in the past three months! WHY…

No man has the decency to say, ‘hey listen, let’s just have a fling with no strings attached?’ NOOOOOOOOOOOO… they have to bullshit, lovey dovey shit and then mention it lightly!! DUDE NO GIRL WANTS A FLING! … NONE

Anyways I’m just letting out my frustrations because this is what is happening in front of me, and if no one else lets it out , I’m doing it on someone else’s behalf…………. JUST TO LET YOU KNOW…

I’m gonna travel again – be back in a month, and I will reveal to you my findings the next time round…

I have been very dramatic the past couple of posts, I have to admit, there’s more to life than worrying about what people are gonna say about me, or how they feel cuz seriously I just saw the bright light at the end of the tunnel! (ewanneh)

Anyhow – I have to admit, I have weird facts and strange experiences and I think its about time I share some:

1. My boss thinks she can have a threesome with me and her husband, and both are very okay and open with it.

2. I have a lesbian friend and I know she’s a lesbian and I’m enjoying teasing her… hey who knows maybe my inner self will come out of the closet someday!

3. I read magazines from back to front

4. I drive with my knees

5. I like eating hot sauce with cheesecake

6. I order a cream blended frappuccino just to eat the caramel on top and leave it

7. I love bats, snakes (one of my pets) and insects

8. When I’m stuck in traffic – Dubai traffic (3hrs and more) – I stare in to peoples cars and carry out mental conversations, and imagine what kind of life they are living and what weird sex habits they have … etc.

9. I’ve managed to be celibate for a while which is a huge accomplishment! I’ve passed the 40 days 40 nights limit (Applause!)

10. I have to put my left arm on my head so I can go to sleep

11. I’m jealous of my 7year old sister, actually u know what, I’m jealous of everyone.

12. I secretly put my sister in trouble to look like I’m the best of the best!

13. I sometimes fake orgasms just for the fun of it

14. I randomly stick my tongue out to ppl at traffic lights … (when bored only)

15. I only smoke from the side of my mouth

16. If I like a guy I become the biggest bimbo in front of him, it’s uncontrollable!

Well these are some of them and if more come up I’ll make sure I keep you guys posted!

Dear all,

Welcome to the nonsense world of the shit superficial ignorant arab society, where people just lie around discuss other people’s business as if it were their own, slaughter their dignity, lower themselves to achieving whatever they need, and are filled with rage and jealousy upon the success of others.

I just wanted to let out something, people only look at what the other is doing, and don’t foresee the things that go on in their own houses, and amongst their own family members… or maybe – they’re in denial.

I’ve seen a lot of people come up to me and judge me for my life, and the ups and downs I go through, let me call these days the days where I’m so ‘numb’ that I can’t see or feel anyone around me. I know what I do, and people make mistakes, it’s not like I’m perfect.

Maybe people don’t know what happens behind the walls of my house? Maybe people don’t know that someone very dear to me passed away recently, maybe they don’t know that I’m being forced to marry someone I have no feelings for! ..Ah yes, I forgot, they only know one thing is talk about me, and provide this shit society with the latest issue of ‘Poison Claire’

So in conclusion, enjoy the latest edition of Poison Claire, maybe next month you’ll have more shitty roumors to spread about me, and maybe I’ll make it to the US and international media, newswires, internet, and I’m sure I’ll help with that…

Best Head Banging song for the ride in the car! :P

Ash - You Can't Have It All