A Genesis of Poison …

Today, I am older, I’ve made resolutions that maybe I didn’t completely stick up to, but achieved a few milestones on the way.

My birthday is a day I was brought in to this world, and its important that your surrounded by people that mean a lot to you, and I’m glad it went through that way. I don’t celebrate New Year, I believe that the day you’re born is when you set a new year to yourself.

There might have been some disappointments throughout this year, but you can’t hold a grudge on anyone, that means your giving them your time and energy of actually holding it!

Being older has defined who I am, I know exactly what I want now, and maybe I might know more things I would want in the future, but I’m happy with myself at the moment. I have managed to hold on to a lot of things, and let go of a lot of things…

Some people think I don’t stick to my word, but I do, mentally. (sigh)

I might have ‘quit’ smoking & drinking, but does quitting mean that I completely stop? Well in my world, it means to limit your self and use this luxury at a time that it is required. Hence, you drink when the mood is right, smoke when the mood is right, and NEVER excessively.

I will also quit many more bad habits and urges, but their for me to know and non for you to find out (if ya know what I mean he he ) …

Anyways, I have reborn in to a newer older wiser poison, and hopefully a better one than before…

When i'm gone....

Well life is a path isn't it? I guess i'm walkin' on this path for a while now aimlessly, but i sure as hell am leaving some footprints behind. I just want the people i come across in my life that:

When i'm gone, i still think about the first impression of your face when i first saw you...

When i walk away from you, i might not remember your name.. but i'm sure you'll remember mine..

When i'm gone, i make sure i leave a good impression and a smile on your face..

When i'm gone, i need you to be fine even if i'm not ..

When i'm gone, i still feel your presence behind me, and yes i will turn around and look back..

When i'm gone, my absence 'will' make your heart grow fonder..

When i'm gone, i may not come back... but i would have walked on your path....

Double Lives

In this community we are obligated to lead double lives to please many. As for me, I lead them to survive… Here are the many faces of poison:

Serious:
The serious one, hmmm… hungry for success, strives to maintain leadership within the work force, always wanting to be at the top and to prove that ‘women’ are leaders, and able to handle responsibility. People, who know me as this person, are people who work with me, people who know me in a formal atmosphere.

Easygoing:
Laidback, always taking things slowly, digesting what information I get and reacting in a format that will benefit me and the other party. (Mostly with casual friends)

InLove:
Over sensitive, impatient, always wanting to please the other party, weak when it comes to fights, loyal and respectful (at times) ;)

Pary-animal:
Crazy, always ready at the spur of the moment to go wild with friends I’m comfortable with, laid-back, also sensitive if I was hurt by a friend, always like a good laugh, messin around with limits..

I guess these are the sides of me, and maybe there are more that can’t identify at the moment but I know they exist.

YOU THINK?

You think I’m naïve – but I’m not, I just act it
You think I’m selfish – but I care
You think I’m ignorant – but I observe
You think I love you – but I don’t
You think I’m smiling – but I’m laughing at you
You think I’m alone – but I'm safe
You think I’m superficial – but I’m not
You think I’m innocent – but I’m definitely not
You think I’m too ambitious – but I’m successful?
You think I’m rude – but that’s the nicest I can be
You think I’m too optimistic – but that’s how I live my life..
You think I’m weak – but I’m just pretending
You think I need you – I just don’t..

Dear diary,

Its been a while i know, and i've been thinking a lot.. and doing a lot. Been partying a lot - then just stopped and realized, i'm turning 22 in 13 days.

I need to bring a halt to my dramatic behaviour and i need to think about how my life is going to be heading towards either - DISASTER/SUCCESS.

From my recent blogs, and actions in life, i feel that i've been enjoying myself way too much, and thinking bout how to satisfy my temporary needs and not long term. Now how will i solve this? I'll tell you...

1st - concentrate on my family - spend more time with them rather than party with friends all the time...

2nd - let go of bad habits gradually and try to avoid as many situations as possible that would tempt you in getting back to them...

3rd - Don't be judgemental, sometimes you might create an image in your mind about a certain person due to the facts that people inject in your mind, and not from what they really are.

4th - organize your time... Career wise.

5th - You can't create a love life, it just happens. I trully beleive in faith completely, and whatever is meant to happen WILL happen whether you like it or not, so basically keep going on your track, and ya its gonna slap you in the face.

In conclusion, i beleive that i should just enjoy my life, whilst have fun to the limits from now on... and maybe sharing this with you would help others too. (i know its not such a drastic thing, but its better than nothing) - C ya ...