Saturday, April 28, 2007

Double Standard 1. a rule or principle applied more strictly to some people than to others (or to oneself).

Being a part of this superficial – self absorbed – community I have to say that in my opinion we are definitely living a life of double standards. Leave aside the fact that guys here lock up their sisters yet go party with other peoples’ daughters of the same 'class' and probably fuck them too.

Leave aside the fact that the guys here drink/smoke/fuck/ other nationalities but when they see another of their own nationality doing the same it’s so ‘taboo’?

I know that in our religion these things are banned from both sides – women and men, and I’m not going against my religion I’m just stating the present and obvious. Do they think that we will just side aside watch the men grow with their careersand lives while- women and referring to women I mean national women - will be just slaves at home and at work? Come on. .

Men here don’t want us because they think that we’re too demanding, they think that if we were true to one of them that we must have been around. What if I’m not with you for your money? What if I’m not with you for who your father is – trust me it won’t benefit me at all, it will just be a bigger burden to me if I married you for your father ‘bcoz’ I’m marrying YOU.

OUR men also think that they will live in infinite debt if they were to marry women of their nationality, the weddings and prices they have to pay after marriage is so much that makes them back off and end up marrying foreigners – or ditz khaleeji’s that are also superficial.

Oh and another thing, maybe they’ll get married just to please their parents, and turn out to be gay motherfuckers who have parties and boyfriends on the side. The poor girl is probably given all the money in the world just to be shut up. Marriage today has become an official business deal, or let’s say a bartered deal when both sides benefit.

I wouldn’t want to say that I’m the perfect person, I do have flaws too, and I love criticism because it helps grow to the better and maybe notice things that I am not aware of…

It just kills me to see good guys/girls with great potential just throwing their lives away whether it was through career, deciding to sit at home and do nothing with their lives worrying about what people would say about her is she got out in the workforce, or it was a guy who was disturbed about marrying the girl he loves because she’s been his girlfriend for the past 5 years/ ends up marrying a girl he barely knows…

Hello people …?

Seriously , what has become of this society is just plain – -------- SAD


Friday, April 20, 2007

Song of 2007 - Ciara Like a boy

Best female empoerment, best choreography, best words! :) I give this a 10/10!

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Hold me,Thrill me ,Kiss me,Kill me…..

PAIN: the definition of this word may be contradicted in many different ways depending on the various ways a person has experienced it.

The first time I felt pain, was actually slamming my face on the wall of a staircase in high school. I was walking confidently down the stairs when I lost balance… and BOOM..
I felt this sudden rush of pain from my nose right to the centre of my brain, tears were running down my eyes …

I didn’t know where I was, I had no idea who was looking at, the voices around me didn’t make sense at all… … I just wanted to feel normal again..

I wanted the feeling to go away as soon as possible. The pain was so bad I felt my soul run out of my body and slap me in the face … swearing at me … telling me how clumsy can I be?????????????

My tiny nose felt like it grew 10times the size it was …I opened my eyes, trying to recognize my surroundings…… it was Grey, Smelled like pencils, and dust, oh yes,… I was still in school… two boys behind me … tried to carry me down the stairs… and down to the nurse’s room…………… Still… I felt pain, but now the pain of embarrassment infront of the biggest crush of my life! ………..

This pain is temporary, it is the only type that can be rid by some sort of medical prescription. Another horrid type is the type that you can’t control… The rush you feel in you heart, the pain in your chest when you see someone you don’t want to see… someone who’s hurt you so bad, someone who you longed for… and want so bad… BOTH are painful…

This sort of pain is uncontrollable…. The rush is uncontrollable,,, your face reaction is indescribable and obviously reflects how you feel towards the person …whether it was hate or love…. It still was PAIN. It’s F%cked up…. That’s what it is….

Nothing… you can’t concentrate on whatever the person next to you is saying… your body starts to sweat, you just wanted your heart to stop beating so hard, to avoid the person next to you to hear it… you get nauseous, and you just wanna disappear…literally… be sucked in to a hole in the ground and never to be seen again.

Overcoming this sort of pain is by trying to concentrate on something so random and irrelevant to what is actually going on around you… maybe the fly on the table, the napkin in the rubbish bin, the person sipping the cup of coffee without a care in the world….something like that… otherwise…the other person…the one you really don’t wanna see or show how you feel – will notice.

The other type of pain is betrayal,being hurt, being cut off…u get all the feelings mentioned above, but one thing is its not temporary, its almost embedded in to you.. the missing feeling is being NUMB….

I feel so numb,with no energy, no food… my best friend was my cigarette and my Sonia Rykel lighter…that’s it… that’s what I ate, drank, and breathed! I actually enjoyed that feeling, I loved the low…. I loved the fact that it was permanent… I still feel it today.. its like a rush…and a stab in my gut… it’s wat drives me today… the numbness… the coldness, I don’t feel any remorse to anyone around me….

Maybe I will not feel ‘normal’ again, but what is normal today anyways? The types of pain I mentioned, are the types of pain that you all must feel maybe once in your lives, but I feel everyday…..and maybe that is what has developed in to being a normal state of mind for me today….


Sunday, April 08, 2007

One of the dearest and special people of my life is my father. He may not be perfect, and who is? Only God is. I love you father, and I am as strong as you are. Maybe I don’t know much about your past, I have been very ignorant about discovering my roots which I know go quite deep. You were a stranger to me, I used to watch mom cry, feeling alone, knowing that the person she loves is out there neglecting her.

Being in this world, and developing in to a woman, I feel her pain. I understand what she is going through; I can see the regret in your eyes now. Your actions all express regret, the time you spend with me now, the gestures you make now, and show how much you regret the time you spent away from me.

I remember when I used to cry knowing you would be traveling away to some business trip, carrying that silver suitcase, knowing you won’t be back to play with me for a long time. Or going in to your car after a short weekend with you, telling me you’d be back next weekend, knowing another five days and you’ll be back again.

You made mistakes; one of the biggest was not telling me I had brothers and sisters. I can still remember the screaming and fights you had with mom after I came home from school. I would just hide in my room waiting for it to stop, until mom disappeared when I came home once.

You explained that we needed to go. You did not tell me why, but I knew whyI did not cry, instead I was strong for a 12 year old, I am amazed at myself. My sisters and brother came crying to me, blaming me for this move, asking me why I agreed, I had no comment and told them to listen to you. Confident that you would make the right decision – this time.

I believed in you, and I still do. I don’t blame you for what happened. I thank you for what happened I got to know my brothers and sisters, and it was never too late to know them. I did miss mom, for a long time, but you resolved your issues, and things were difficult at first, but thankfully they worked out to the better.

I know marriage is not perfect and it is not my place to advise you on this, I know mom, and she loves you very much. I wish I would be able to love my husband as much as she does now. It’s been 25 years since you both got married I admire you both, although the love has died out, but you still remain friends which is difficult now a days to maintain.

I am a descendant of you, and I hope to prove to you that I am your daughter, carrying your strength, confidence, pride and loyalty. I hope I can have the patience you had to bring us up, maintain a great living, and keep smiles on our faces.

I know I have disappointed you as well in many more ways that I can ever imagine; I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry. You taught me the right from wrong, but I still did the wrong, and I will do the right and prove you wrong this time. I was young and this is part of my upbringing.

I also remember the times I would be angry at someone in the same room as we were in, I’d stuff my face between your back , just like an ostrich dips its head in to a hole in the ground. The comfort I felt being protected by you, i knew there was no harm to come my way.

I hope you are proud of me today, and in the future days to come. I hope when you hear my name a smile comes up to your face just as I do when I hear yours. I am proud of being your daughter, and will always be working up to your level and possibly higher if I can.

I am my fathers daughter…


Wednesday, April 04, 2007

maroon 5 - makes me wonder

Amazing new track, TOTALY relate to it... listen to the words carefullyy..... Shake it! :P