One of the dearest and special people of my life is my father. He may not be perfect, and who is? Only God is. I love you father, and I am as strong as you are. Maybe I don’t know much about your past, I have been very ignorant about discovering my roots which I know go quite deep. You were a stranger to me, I used to watch mom cry, feeling alone, knowing that the person she loves is out there neglecting her.

Being in this world, and developing in to a woman, I feel her pain. I understand what she is going through; I can see the regret in your eyes now. Your actions all express regret, the time you spend with me now, the gestures you make now, and show how much you regret the time you spent away from me.

I remember when I used to cry knowing you would be traveling away to some business trip, carrying that silver suitcase, knowing you won’t be back to play with me for a long time. Or going in to your car after a short weekend with you, telling me you’d be back next weekend, knowing another five days and you’ll be back again.

You made mistakes; one of the biggest was not telling me I had brothers and sisters. I can still remember the screaming and fights you had with mom after I came home from school. I would just hide in my room waiting for it to stop, until mom disappeared when I came home once.

You explained that we needed to go. You did not tell me why, but I knew whyI did not cry, instead I was strong for a 12 year old, I am amazed at myself. My sisters and brother came crying to me, blaming me for this move, asking me why I agreed, I had no comment and told them to listen to you. Confident that you would make the right decision – this time.

I believed in you, and I still do. I don’t blame you for what happened. I thank you for what happened I got to know my brothers and sisters, and it was never too late to know them. I did miss mom, for a long time, but you resolved your issues, and things were difficult at first, but thankfully they worked out to the better.

I know marriage is not perfect and it is not my place to advise you on this, I know mom, and she loves you very much. I wish I would be able to love my husband as much as she does now. It’s been 25 years since you both got married I admire you both, although the love has died out, but you still remain friends which is difficult now a days to maintain.

I am a descendant of you, and I hope to prove to you that I am your daughter, carrying your strength, confidence, pride and loyalty. I hope I can have the patience you had to bring us up, maintain a great living, and keep smiles on our faces.

I know I have disappointed you as well in many more ways that I can ever imagine; I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry. You taught me the right from wrong, but I still did the wrong, and I will do the right and prove you wrong this time. I was young and this is part of my upbringing.

I also remember the times I would be angry at someone in the same room as we were in, I’d stuff my face between your back , just like an ostrich dips its head in to a hole in the ground. The comfort I felt being protected by you, i knew there was no harm to come my way.

I hope you are proud of me today, and in the future days to come. I hope when you hear my name a smile comes up to your face just as I do when I hear yours. I am proud of being your daughter, and will always be working up to your level and possibly higher if I can.

I am my fathers daughter…

When i'm gone....

Well life is a path isn't it? I guess i'm walkin' on this path for a while now aimlessly, but i sure as hell am leaving some footprints behind. I just want the people i come across in my life that:

When i'm gone, i still think about the first impression of your face when i first saw you...

When i walk away from you, i might not remember your name.. but i'm sure you'll remember mine..

When i'm gone, i make sure i leave a good impression and a smile on your face..

When i'm gone, i need you to be fine even if i'm not ..

When i'm gone, i still feel your presence behind me, and yes i will turn around and look back..

When i'm gone, my absence 'will' make your heart grow fonder..

When i'm gone, i may not come back... but i would have walked on your path....

Dear diary,

Its been a while i know, and i've been thinking a lot.. and doing a lot. Been partying a lot - then just stopped and realized, i'm turning 22 in 13 days.

I need to bring a halt to my dramatic behaviour and i need to think about how my life is going to be heading towards either - DISASTER/SUCCESS.

From my recent blogs, and actions in life, i feel that i've been enjoying myself way too much, and thinking bout how to satisfy my temporary needs and not long term. Now how will i solve this? I'll tell you...

1st - concentrate on my family - spend more time with them rather than party with friends all the time...

2nd - let go of bad habits gradually and try to avoid as many situations as possible that would tempt you in getting back to them...

3rd - Don't be judgemental, sometimes you might create an image in your mind about a certain person due to the facts that people inject in your mind, and not from what they really are.

4th - organize your time... Career wise.

5th - You can't create a love life, it just happens. I trully beleive in faith completely, and whatever is meant to happen WILL happen whether you like it or not, so basically keep going on your track, and ya its gonna slap you in the face.

In conclusion, i beleive that i should just enjoy my life, whilst have fun to the limits from now on... and maybe sharing this with you would help others too. (i know its not such a drastic thing, but its better than nothing) - C ya ...